pri school outing(not everyone in picture)

nus biz pageant at the arena

i must put in effort to work hard. i have been slacking all this while. these 9 months of freedom is about to reach its closure. although it hasn't been that enjoyable and happy, because of the many things that happened for the past 3/4 year. i don't even know what to write about you and me.i think you think that im stupid.
i need power. i need motivation. i need some happy thing in my life to like spur me, to create some HIGHNESS to counter weird german pronounciation, thick history textbooks, incoming geography lectures, enthusiastic media lecturers,and weird japanese accents during jap studies lectures..
bottom line:i cannot afford to fail...again

mambo was quite fun though.can't comment much about TH pageant cos we went there super late.



wait and see,history SHALL NOT repeat.
lessons learnt.hahaha.
(sounds like an objective during lesson , past events affect how people in the modern world act)
OKAY..........................

person > friends ?
for once your math is accurate hahaha


let's be cheena man, love this song!!

方大同-love song
我写了这首歌
是一首简单的
不复杂也不难唱的那一种歌
这不是那种只剩下那钢琴的歌
也不是那种不能只是朋友的歌
这不是那种两个人的故事
写在一本小说
那小说里有谁会在花田里犯了错
这就是一首写给你听的一个
love song 一直想写一首
love song 你给了我一首
love song 那dj会播放
这也许会上榜
不过我只想写出一首
你就像那夏天的凉风
吹过我的面孔
情翔飞在我心底
你就是我第一想说爱你

这不是那种童话里会遇见的歌
也不是那种真真切切爱我的歌
那小说里有谁陪她看流星再降落
而如果你是一幅画
你会是最珍贵的一幅画
如果那画家是梵高的话
有个贵人前来有钱花
个个向你求嫁
梵高他说你们都该回家
又或者你是melody就是最动听
所有的人都会跟着你齐唱
就算在夜晚你的星太亮
让我忘了月亮代表我的
吹过我的...
你就是我第一

it's 9.16pm

school has officially started today,and it's nothing like school. it's like people mingling around and going for lectures. and eating during lunch time. feels like a shopping centre cept that we have to go for lectures. and answer questions. man, i hate participating.

i have found someone whom i don't really need to care about the way i talk to that person, which is good. dont really have to care about perfect sentence structures, or even spelling, cos that person's engRishhh is damn cui. and hokkien damn perfecto. LOL!

sickening.life's kinda directionless for me now.feel abit empty too.sort of targetless, okay im targetless.first the system wants me to do 5 modules, and fickle me spent like alot of time choosing, and in the end instead of computing i took german. 1 bidder, 1 vacancy, 1 point. then it's like im sooooo worried about history, the synopsis of the lessons is already engulfing me. triple pure science student in secondary school cannot take such shocks. sigh.(LOL)

jc life is seriously better. no.1 in uni it's so hard to make real friends, hi-bye ones are easy to get but long term good friends, that is soooooooooo hard okay due to the difference in time table, or even the thing that youre going to major in. yes thankfully there're HALL FRIENDS which seem to be a happier bunch of people. man, arts people look intimidating.

sian im sleepy now and i srsly dont feel like going to school tomorrow WTH.


i really wanna share with you what's going on in my life now, and you can choose not to listen.okay maybe just pretend you wanna listen kk??haha.

NATIONAL DAY AT PADANG.

TORTURE AT ESKI BAR hahahaha.

what is your direction in life.
my god sailormoon said he is still searching for this answer, and i told him to just be himself.
i don't like the world to be pretentious, i don't like to be pretentious, but it seems like people have no choice to be pretentious sometimes. that's pathetic.

the more pathetic thing is that i think im at the stage of my life that i don't mind being just a normal person leading a normal life. my dreams (ever changing ones) seem to dissipate. that's pathetic.

the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

8.8.08
start of the olympics.

weirdly, i can remember what i did on 7.7.07,
miss tan's wedding & i was talking to someone, felt really happy.

this year, 8.8.08 is again a special day. NUS RAG DAY!
http://temasek.nus.edu.sg/main/about_temasek_hall/rag.html

im so going to post andee hong's ugly photos, once i upload them.
hahaha. :D
TEMASEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!:D

off to play cards.
OMG LA THERE IS THIS GUY THAT IS DAMNNNNNNN COOL! ohmygod.

Dear Lulu,
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.Mushy it may be, haha. fret not, my love for you is only as one for a friend, a cherished one perhaps. Constantly, i have been trying to find an explanation to our weird friendship. To say i understand you is undermining your complex thinking, but it seems that whatever is bringing us apart is a matter of superficiality. There were many good times, and bad ones, i have to thank you for all the words of wisdom, many that were ignored, the consolation, the reminders and even the nonsense. It's weird that i write this now, maybe triggered by what you wrote with another name on someone's tagboard. maybe you've once again missed out on what's happening in my life- perhaps you don't mind the increasing disparity, but i do want to include you in all this that is happening.



You're so difficult to understand.

i read kohhuishan's blog, and the gd friends that she have. then i wonder who i have around me whom i really talk to, and really tell things to nowadays.

loy.darren.julia.majella.

seems like there are only four of them who are really constantly around me nowadays.

and of course, other good friends:
piong.zhiwei.sandhya (who has been degraded cos she MIA-ed haha).heng.diana.bear.samantha.hanisah.lao yan.farmer.xx(if he stops shooting me).MARGARET? lol.

& many of them whom i used to be very close to and have drifted away.. hope you all come back to me soon HAHAHAA.
rag at 1am! diao.

im like terribly scared to see temasek hall pics(like the one above.so depressed ahaha), shall skip the welcome ceremony one hahaha.fast forward to the group pics:

went to the east side with the nus people for flag day. ohkay benson took me around. tjc,anglican high and we almost reached SAC. lol! sad that kbox was cancelled!

so darren told j&zhiyuan that i think j is good looking in 5 min after i talked to him on msn.. they turned out to be classmates!and zhiyuan told my og people... and thanks i saw j at rag room straight after that.


now eyecandy the DAMN SHUAI senior ohmygod it's actually the guy that my neighbour has always been trying to tell me about just that he goes by his chinese name in TH. wth!!!!

THE WORLD IS SMALL.

today some guy lifted me up while i was blindfolded to help me cross the drain. I WAS STUNNED.


shall go zzz.

it's my 1200th post.
let me start with something i observed today while holding the candle during welcome ceremony.

love is like a dying flame; it reignites.
imagine, your life is like the candle. everytime you go into a relationship, the wax starts to melt and shapes your life. you may control it, but sometimes it goes out of hand.

when the wind blows, just like how problems affect people, it may or may not cause the flame to die.. you can choose to cover it, to counter it, or let it burn out.. or relight it. just like how we try to run away from our problems, solve problems, or just walk out of it... or just find someone new.

and my love is like a dying flame, when it seems to die out, it reignites.. think it's a good and bad time that uni is going to start in a week, im slowly going with the pace of uni life, by experiencing hall life first... maybe its good that i know more people and have something to occupy my mind...
but it's really hard to find like-minded people.. am i just too weird to find people of the similar thoughts?

today's activities in hall was...scary. we had to be blindfolded throughout. and instead of going up the slope we were pushed down. and we ran through walls and shouted random things. it was fun. and the finale was nice. the seniors welcomed us with candles.. and a I <3 TH cup. :)

anyway i decided that for the first year i should just study very hard and not care about stupid stuff anymore.

am i anti-social or am i just unpopular?
i don't think i can fit in very well..
or maybe i just dislike the whole process of knowing new people,
why can't you stick with me forever?

VIENTO!

&

random..

read about the fourofus(san,jelly,ju,mel) @

http://whereisourlove.blogspot.com/

it is best that i don't hear from you.

back from sentosa. haha ohman, vball is fun, but i think i suck :( LOL!
meeting the people last night was kinda fun. hahaha especially with that idiotic andee hong and cold ragen teh.talked about places to makan!shall visit old airport road and my chomp chomp soon. HAHA. holland v 2am was packed so we went to eat icecream,mushroom pot before that.

BIRTHDAY BOY CHUA JUNRONG. who wore a SHIRT.who looked like he wanted to go clubbing. hahaha.
feeding jameson kong haha.


TEN OF US SQUEEZED INTO JIAYI'S CAR. -.-"!

GUESS WHOS BUTT IS THAT.
GUESS WHO WANTED TO FART WHILE SITTING ON RAGEN AND JUNRONG.




and of course it's MR ANDEE HONG.lol.

jialat camp tomorrow.

emo kid sing emo song. suddenly miss lao yan's hokkien and emo words of wisdom.

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
It's something more than saying "I miss you"
But when we talked too
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face


I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

why isit so difficult to get answers?


when this person told me about how touched he was when his gf noticed the little things, the things she gave,


i wonder.............................





how much of my effort is appreciated.

haha im damn random. my mum talked to me about my childhood friend, (her friend's son) and i seriously wanna find out how he looks like now.. supposedly long hair ! omg and from lasalle. hmmmm my spying skills suck.cos i cant find him anywhere! argh.

if you know any clement leong hahaha please tag.

i dreamt that ho chi hoe came back to sg randomly for his ns after like four years of absence!what a random dream !




shopping with darren&majella, was random too.

i haven't seen you for a long time.




time is a relative thing.the other day we were discussing this. it's not really the time (as in literally-days,minutes,seconds), but it's actually the things we missed in each others' lives.

could it be............hmmmmmmm!


:)

omg four years have passed, how things have changed!

separation.



the longing when you feel empty,
the nonchalance when you're occupied.

NICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

WTH I JUST JOINED ARTS O WEEK.


WAT IS WRONG WITH MEL FU hahahahhaa.

yesterday marked the last day of work.
i was kinda sad, but the mood around me was kinda tense and busy so in the end everything went normally. learnt alot from the job, especially patience. haha. will miss the group of people i work with, the teachers and the students. well the students hmmmm i don't think they will remember me much haha, i don't know whether it's a blessing in disguise that they sort of live in their own world sometimes. there's this guy who lives in his fantasy, whom erm think he is a knight or something, or this boy with down syndrome called chiki, who's super cheeky. haha!
many of them come from broken families, with history of mental illnesses or financial problems. sometimes i ask this boy that i teach why he always looks so sad. yes he is from a boy's home, and i know the reason why but i just wanna try to make him a little happier. and it's so fun disturbing chiki.. haha!

but i don't really think this job suits me as a lifetime career. think i'll get depressed haha.

gettyimages.com


i made a bet, and im going to win.
today i thought i could just live with all this, but since friends have stepped in.. er okay it's time to stop.haha.

omg la i went for sports club (netball) last night at nus.. guess what, for the first match i was playing WA (for fun). after the GA got the ball i ran downwards towards the pocket.. not exactly pocket, but diagonally. and i decided to really sprint for the ball. guess the GK didn't really think i could run haha so she ran out to get the ball from behind.. okay thanks she flew off me and landed on the floor. and i thought i created such a freak accident cos she was lying on the floor with her hand on her face. but, she seemed to be fine after that. OMG LA.. i didn't feel anything.


THINK ITS THE FATS.................................................

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIA TAN!!!


okay now to the serious stuff. haha.

My grandpa recently commented that the “last year” before death is a “hard road” that everyone has to go through. It’s true, not trying to be morbid or anything, but death is imminent. There are so many people in the world, living their own lives, some selfless ones who are able to see others’ pain, who lend a helping hand. Others, who are selfish and seemingly more fortunate decide to think for themselves only, embracing the high life bla. There are also some people who make a significant change in the world such as Nelson Mandela, and his contributions towards the apartheid. (My knowledge of the apartheid seems to be limited to Time & http://www-cs-students.stanford.edu/~cale/cs201/apartheid.hist.html only)

Something meaningful that I read today in Time, by Nelson Mandela: “ The chief’s job was not to tell people what to do but to form a consensus.”

This is particularly meaningful because of personal experience.. this is going to turn into another complain/whining session.. haha… while I shall just give a general idea by saying appearances are deceiving and some people are just plain irritating..


Okay, I have digressed. Anyway, I do not want to conform to society and be a normal person living an ordinary life. There are so many possibilities in the world, and why stay at this point where you study, work, get married and die? WE have to live forever like Julia tan’s a jamais vivant, and carpe diem! Seize the day! Ahah. WE have to come up with a plan, Sandhya will agree with me to this. But where is she? Another side of the world!

ANYWAY, my mum is totally shocked that im teaching tuition. She asked me why I need to look for so many jobs and whether she needs to give me more money.. plus whether im in debt. OKAYYYYYY NO COMMENTS.

P.S:BRADDY & LOY GAVE ME THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS PRESENT!!!!!!

DAMN RANDOM.

dont ever marry a tennis player; to them, 'love' means nothing.

haha, saw this quote somewhere.




our R6+1 clique, plus ryan tan and kuan chin.
those days.

teo,xueqin,loy,brad,ks,darren&me.
we'll all be laughing at brad who's from harmo haha while the others, teo/darren-->bball, ks-->didn't join track yet but is sporty, loy-->table tennis, xq-->badmintion, and me erm netball yes. haha!
now our clique.. it's like... loy,darren&me.

and why am i home so early this saturday night? because majella and zhiwei are in australia and hongkong respectively. darren went for housewarming. loy went to his grandma's house to drink.

now it seems like everyone is so grown up. no more army days, it's all talk about DAYS AFTER THEY ORD, which is like a couple of months later. the apprehension. hahaha. school life starts once more.

i think loy has grown up over these years, i think he has become a deeper person. maybe i didn't know him that well in the past, always making fun of other people, and it seems like i tend to associate him with brad at the start. the two jokers of 31/05. haha and they keep doing funny actions -.- and giving me names.TSKTSK. i think he has actually taken over the place of my main listening ear, after bearbear sort of retired due to army stuff. i think i told him alot of crap. my worries..i wonder how many times i asked him "HOWWWWWW" hahaha. and his egghead is super hard i actually knocked into him just now while both of us tried to pick up the same thing
-.-"! he is a smart person. he knows that. but transforming this intelligence into results that can be shown on paper is another issue that he should put more focus onto. im sure he will do well. haha. i still think his actions and head looks like adam sandler(my ex idol) LOL. (zohan totally spoilt adam sandler's image!)


im going for nus netball recrea on tues.let's try it out first.haha.

anyway talking about uni, it's like so many thousand people (exaggeration) haha told me to get a bf there. first my cousin was like ntu engin's good, alot of guys.blablabla then darren today was talking about some random girl getting a boyfren in uni how shocking and that it's easy.

well,
1) it's hard to find someone that you like.
2) it's hard for the person to like me back anyway.
3) uni is for studying please.hahaha.

if it's not you i don't want anybody else! hmmmmm.
there's the 14 feb club there for me anyway haha.


It's really over, you made your stand
You got me crying, as well as you planned
But when my loneliness is through, I'm gonna find another you
You take your sweaters
You take your time
You might have your reasons but you will never have my rhymes
I'm gonna sing my way away from blue
I'm gonna find another you

When I was your lover
No one else would do
If I'm forced to find another, I hope she looks like you
Yeah and she's nicer too

So go on baby
Make your little get away
My pride will keep me company
And you just gave yours all away
Now I'm gonna dress myself for two
Once for me and once for someone new
I'm gonna do somethings you wouldn't let me do
Oh I'm gonna find another you

SPASTIC! hahahahhaa.

THE ONE
met up with shuiyong and junrong for dinner and we talked about many things. from university stuff,to dreams, and of course, the one. the discussion was really filled with laughter, owing to mr chua's great ideas, or rather old-fashioned ones. haha, but he does make a good dad, his motto of "following your dreams" is something i hope my dad have told me, instead of him asking me to "stop dreaming and study hard".hmmm.

THE ONE.
you know what, i think i have found and missed the one. i have thought so in secondary school, and i still think so after so many years. JR said that each of us has "our other half-THE ONE", whether we meet him/her is hard to say, and being with THIS ONE is also another choice. SY prefers to think that all of us will meet a few people, and we select from there.

with so much change nowadays, circumstances change our perceptions of THE ONE, or even the behaviour of the thoughts of THE ONE we're with. suddenly it all simply means that we're just looking for a lifetime partner.i couldn't understand this before, the whole "lifetime partnership" thing, but today it really struck me, even before our little conversation, that it is not all fun to be together with someone. accepting our differences, giving in.. we talked about the dominant side of a relationship, and then i agreed that i will rather be with someone i love more than someone who loves me more. which is kinda psychotic.

but to me, i think if i have to think so much..it's not really me.it's the impulsive decisions that are most accurate, maybe only in my case.
haha and i know i sound damn serious here,just trying to think like a twenty year old.

may tomorrow be a brighter day for all of us :D haha!
although im not sad or anything. but why cant our life be like how we craft it to be. yeah, maybe through hardwork, but why isn't there an easy way out?..........................................(FAT HOPE lol.)

met up with loy,darren,MARGARET, TEO last night! kenny rogers at marina& ben and jerry's at dempsey! hahaha "IM YOURS"~ shall post the pics when i get them.


I BOUGHT MY FIRST CLASSICAL GUITAR! woohooo!

hello ugly little green thing:

as evil as you think i may be,there're some things that are hard to change.


As time goes by and it's true that you've reached a better place
Still I'll give the world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
But It's like youre gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

new life. anyway majella's going to australia for the next two weeks wth! one shopping kaki gone. but did i mention i bought a skirt and another pair of brown skinny pants from zara today. hahaha SIAN i have spent alot of money! TSK.

Was a long and dark December
From the rooftops I remember
There was snow
White snow

Clearly I remember
From the windows they were watching
While we froze down below

When the future’s architectured
By a carnival of idiots on show
You’d better lie low

If you love me
Won’t you let me know?

Was a long and dark December
When the banks became cathedrals
And the fog
Became God

Priests clutched onto bibles
Hollowed out to fit their rifles
And the cross was held aloft

There in me an armour
When im dead and hit the ground
Loves a poem
That unfolds

If you love me
Won't you let me know?


lyrics, modern day poetry.

driving today- OMG i met the instructor that i didn't want to meet.
met samantha. and penguin lu saw me while i was driving. yay and i finally got to 70km/h.

mahjong today hahaha with darren ANDEE HONG & peiyong!
lost like alot, and won at the last part,resulting in a deficit of $1 HENG AH.piong er lost badly.lol!

first lesson-tuition. sec 1 eng/sci/chinese.
oh man, she asked me why my eng is B3 although i used that "comprehension method" which she implied that was outdated.. tsktsk! and seemed impressed when i told her my chinese is erm A1. hahaha but wth she is from higher chinese, and BLOODYHELL i don't understand her chinese textbook, think i 'll quit tomorrow. $23 cab fare siaaaaaaaaaaaaa. -.-"!

OH MAN IM STILL KINDA HIGH.

the two pics on top were for lunch, and the last one was shared, was for tea! sentosa today was kinda weird but enjoyed it. made me remember some things i don't wanna remember but haha was still quite fun. the frisbee thingy was quite pathethic though.LOL, IM NOT VIOLENT k. although i accidentally threw the frisbee into piongs er lips which caused.........hmmmm.lol!

sentosa weddings are nice, the songs are nicer. emo more than words, umbrella(slow version), bubbly which lead us to the wedding grounds.B&Js again.. lol.

weddings are nice, but stressful. i will stick to my runaway simple wedding, somewhere in the world where noone knows us. lol.

sleepy.

nice&simple&innocent, yeah how i hope you're really like that.

haven't gotten the pics yet, shall upload later (when i get them tsk!).
so these happened yesterday:

• cute jap lunch with zw&jelly!
• shopping, yet again!
• jap dessert with the class, kl's birthday!
• pro-American dinner :p at changing appetites with loy and darren
• dempsey!B&J's was SUPER GOOD SUPER NICE, there was a guy singing and man,he is good! :D

OHKAY I HAVE BEEN KINDA HIGH THESE 2 days! HAHAHAHHHAA.

am i greedy.
seems to be like it.haha now i know how annoyed you guys are when i whine about the same person, cos that happened to me. the listening ear. hahaha. and then i realised, i didn't put in much effort or showed anything anyway. i appluad my friend's determination, for mel fu is a person who is NOT easily satisfied.



(sidenote:haha oh man why do i feel butterflies in my stomach LOL!)
but starting over, hmmmm............

BASKETBALL TRAINING TODAY -.- i demostrated sidestep. what the hell! (sidenote: not fated la sad!hahahaha shall not succumb to dumb blonde!)

finally had time to sit down and read a few books. or rather, poetry.
a line that i got from one poem.
it is so easy to abandon the self, as the lover becomes a daydream which life interupts.

A Poem Of Friendship: Nikki Giovanni

We are not lovers
because of the love
we make
but the love
we have

We are not friends
because of the laughs
we spend
but the tears
we save

I don't want to be near you
for the thoughts we share
but the words we never have
to speak

I will never miss you
because of what we do
but what we are together.

I WILL MOVE ON. hahaha. some poet talked about the unwillingness to change one's emotion. tsk!
cleaning beach tmr with school. dots.

i wanted to type something about you but it seems like i have nothing more to say, the dreaming is gone, the hope is gone, although the liking stays and oh i think it's such a waste but as the world revolves we have to follow its sequence and change, for i have changed for you for i have done alot of things that i will never do, the only thing now is to get away from you, move away, as i sing hey there delilah and songs that caused my change, it has been one year, what a rollercoaster ride, my love for you is just like this paragraph, i have been trying too hard to put a continuation to it, and be it happy or sad, there will always be an ending to every beginning,and there's another meaning to your love being as deep as a puddle of water:irritating, maybe someday you will stop joking cos maybe, just maybe, you have already swept somebody off her feet.

i start to wonder and wonder, and think and think.

and think about the past 1 year of my life which was wasted cos of thinking,

thinking of a familiar face.

today's all about thinking and wondering about endless possibilities.

but once reality strikes it's goodbye,

and it's goodbye for good.

song below shows how i feel,

but note that im talking about how it all ends here.

IT'S ABOUT TIME...........
Lifehouse
Blind


a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
only in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like is was before
but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

it's fass, temasek hall, and hanisah as my room mate!:D